January Jones sharing Sibling Rivalry with Dr. Karen Gail Lewis

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or comments should be directed to those
show hosts. Thank you for choosing W

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FORCY Radio. Who is January Jones. She is not a young, beautiful,

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talented actress on Madman. She is
not an older, gorgeous exotic dancer

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from The Johnny Carson Show. She
is an author and she wrote Thou Shalt

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Not Y, the Eleventh Commandment,
that reached number one at Amazon dot com.

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She is a reality TV golf personality
with World High Stakes Golf televised on

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hd Net. She is a humorist
and whineologist expert. She is your featured

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host today on January Jones sharing success
stories. So sit back, relax,

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and get ready to laugh and listen
to Miss Jones with her eclectic roster of

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guests as you learn life's lessons.
These stories plus sharing equal success. Welcome

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and remember beware because you are entering
the no whining world of January Jones.

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Greetings everyone, I hope you're having
a fabulous day. I'm January Jones,

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and i'd like to welcome you to
our podcast today. As many of you

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know, my new brand is the
Glitter Granny, and I wear many hats,

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as we all do every day.
Today, I'm wearing my light blue

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interview hat. The great thing about
these hats is when you get them on,

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you really don't have to fuss with
your hair. Now, for my

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listeners, let me ask you a
question. Do you have a sibling?

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Yes? Do you have a brother
or sister most of us do. Tell

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me have you ever wanted to strangle
them? I think we can all answer

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yes. Now, would you like
to meet someone who has walked the walk

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and talked the talk in the world
of siblings and their rivalries? Can you

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imagine what it'd be like to actually
help people to learn how to get along

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better with their siblings? Tell me
do you wish you could do things over

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with your brother and sisters? Some
of us have regrets, I know.

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Would you like to meet someone who
will share her own experiences teaching other therapists

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how to deal with sibling rivalry.
Let me ask you, have you ever

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heard of a famous book called Sibling
Therapy The Ghosts that haunt your clients,

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love and work. If you can
answer yes or maybe to any of these

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questions, then you are in the
right place, and I'd like to welcome

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you to January Jones sharing success stories. So now it's time to rest,

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relax, Go get some wine and
cheese and join me in the no wine

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zone. Now, let me tell
you a little bit about my guests.

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She is a family and sibling therapist
with a master's degree in social work and

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a doctorate in consulting psychology. In
the nineteen seventies, she became involved in

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the early movement movement of family therapy, identifying herself as a family therapist.

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Over these years, she's incorporated a
number of other ways to help individuals,

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couples, and family las, such
as she hosts unique retreats for women,

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for single women, and retreats for
adult siblings. She has published hundreds of

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articles in more than eight books about
relationships in general, adult siblings and single

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women. Welcome to my show.
Today my dear friend, doctor Karen Gail

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Lewis. It's a delight to be
here, January. Absolutely, Oh,

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I know, it's so fun to
have you. I've been looking forward to

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this. We, as my listeners
will probably figure out during our show,

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we go back quite a few years, don't we, Karen, quite a

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few. We're not saying exactly how
many. Well, I won't. You

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and I don't go back as far
as my practice. I've been practicing this.

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I will tell I've been practicing for
fifty one years. Wow, But

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you and I don't go back anywhere
near that, because listeners, January is

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nowhere. He's near as old as
I. How's that? Okay? Well,

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I'm sure I'm catching up pretty quickly. You know, fifty one years

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My husband Leif and I were celebrating
our fifty third anniversary this year. Yeah.

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Wow, amazing. How time flies, doesn't it? And you're still

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together. I mean that as a
family therapist, as a couple's therapist,

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I am always odd that when couples
can marry young and stay together all those

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years. Yeah, all the ups
and downs and get through them to the

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other side, and go through some
more ups and downs and get through them,

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And the remarkable thing about our fifty
three years is that actually it's a

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second marriage for both of us.
So if we counted our other our prior

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marriages, we'd probably have been married
for over sixty years. So it's kind

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of seems like we were born married
some days. Some days. Let me

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ask you a question. I haven't
talked to you for a while. It's

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so fun to have you back.
How did the pandemic affect you personally?

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How did it affect your career?
What did happen to you during the pandemic?

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What's interesting, I wasn't affected my
pain tolerance on a scale of zero

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to ten, ten being zero being
no tolerance and ten being I can tolerate

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anything. On that scale, I'm
a minus fifty eight, so I still

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to this day where a mask.
I wear two masks, So in some

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ways I would have not been affected
at all personally physically, physically, I'm

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really lucky with that. Professionally what
has happened is fascinating because I have run

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where I have been running for since
ninety six. Do you nique retreats that

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you mentioned for siblings? And when
the pandemic happened? The Licensing Board said,

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you no longer have to you can. You can now see people by

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virtual You can see people virtually,
which means you don't have to worry about

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where they're coming from. Okay,
And that made a big difference because for

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my retreats, I was only getting
people who could afford the financially afford the

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time and the money to come and
fly out for the retreats. But during

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the pandemic, people were calling me. And that's when things really got very

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very busy for me with siblings.
And absolutely I cannot identify that it was

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because of the pandemic, but the
timing whether it was they now could access

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me since if they didn't live in
my state where I'm licensed. But I

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started to get calls from siblings literally, I think on every continent except for

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Australia. Australia, well, you
know, I call it a pandemic pause.

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And as we went into the pandemic, I had taken a hiatus because

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I had been doing the radio show
for ten years and I at that point

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I was doing it six times a
week and I was burnt out. So

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I said I'm going to take a
hiatus. Well, I intended to just

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go off the air for you know, six months at the most turned out

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to be three years. And then
as things moved on and everyone went into

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this, as I call it,
the zoom zoom world, that at that

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point I was approached and I decided
to come back. I'm back now just

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once a week and I do the
podcast and it's on TV. And I

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love it because I get to see
people. All these years, I've been

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talking to all of you and just
hearing your voices. Yeah, actually I

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would now that you say that I
was on your radio show years ago and

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didn't have the luxury of seeing you
in your gorgeous clothes, in your gorgeous

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smile. This has been great.
So okay, we're going to talk about

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sibling rivalry today and there's probably all
my listeners that some version of it in

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their life. How many siblings do
you have? I have two older brothers.

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There are three of us in a
four year period. My mother likes

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used to she's obviously dead now used
to say she was been pregnant for four

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straight years. But the irony January
is that I did not start this work

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and focusing on siblings having anything to
do with my own family. Really,

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it started with I would have been
a therapist for a number of years at

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the point when this one man came
in, and he had seen other therapists

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before for being depressed. And one
of the things that I and hopefully most

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therapists know, if someone is coming
to you and has been to other therapists,

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you don't want to do the same
thing that didn't work before. Yeah,

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So when I was hearing that he
was depressed and he had been on

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all these other therapists before, I
said, next week. At the end

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of the session, I said,
next week, come in with someone who

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knows you will. I assumed he
would come in with his wife. He

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didn't. He came in with his
brother, who opened That's the therapy session

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opened up a world to me that
I had no idea about because normally we

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don't ask, at least back then, this was in the eighties early eighties,

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we don't ask about siblings unless there's
a particular reason. And he brought

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us his brother, a younger brother, and I started listening to them,

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and what I learned was how much
his behavior was totally focused on what happened

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in relative to his brother. It
wasn't even sibling rivalry so much. It

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was what I actually call an unhealthy
look what I now call an unhealthy loyalty?

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Can I tell you? I have
time to tell you a little bit

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about this. First, we're going
to take a break and I have a

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book. If you are a whiner
or no whiner, you're going to enjoy

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this break. Lately, there's a
whining epidemic in our world. People are

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even whining about whining. Are you
sick and tired of listening to everyone whining

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all the time? So was January
Jones, the author of Thou Shalt Not

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Whine, The Eleventh Commandment that reached
number one at Amazon dot com. Miss

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Jones based your book on our of
the top ten things that people whine about

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at all ages and all stages of
wine. January is a success coach that

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can tell you how to help others. Will you buy Thou Shalt Not Whine,

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The Eleventh Commandment? You'll find out
what people whine about and how to

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00:12:16.279 --> 00:12:20.720
stop them from whining. This is
the perfect gift book to give or get

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for any occasion. Thou Shalt Not
Whine was voted the best gift to be

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given anonymously for those special people in
your life. Miss Jones is an internationally

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00:12:30.840 --> 00:12:35.159
known author in the style of Irma
Bombeck, specializing in housewife huber. With

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her book being published in Korea and
China. You can find Thou Shalt Not

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Whine at Amazon dot com. Welcome
back with my dear friend, doctor Karen

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Gayale Lewis. I'm so happy to
have her on the show. We have

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a few mix ups getting here,
but we're here now today, and she

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is not a whiner because she is
truly a winner. Uh, Doctor Karen,

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could you share with our listeners your
contact information and how they can get

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a hold of you and how they
can get your books. Yes, my

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name is doctor Karen Gail Lewis,
my email is my initials and my name

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so it's d r kgl at Dr
Karen Gail Lewis because I'm old. The

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gail is the original spelling of Gai
Lu. And my book is available on

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Amazon. And while the book is
titled for therapists m, it's actually so

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readable for everybody, Okay, I
want to be clear about that. Yes,

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yeah, anyone who has questions about
siblings. You know, it's funny

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because I have I grew up thinking
I had one sibling and then recently I've

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discovered through ancestry dot com dot com. I have a baby brother that I

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didn't know existed. So and he's
two years younger than me. And I

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tell you when he's perfect, because
when you don't have to grow up with

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them, it's incredible. Okay,
So let's talk about sets of siblings,

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flesh and blood, that age,
and the change that happens. You refer

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to ghosts to say four concepts.
What are the four ghosts concepts? Well,

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let me say first, in order
to explain ghosts, that we have

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two sets of siblings. We have
the flesh and blood that you just mentioned,

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and they're the ones that we live
with and that age as we age.

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They're the ones that we that have
to share the same memories that we

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have and went through a lot of
life, same with life stuff in there

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while we're still living at home.
Yeah. The other set of wings is

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what I call the ghosts, and
they, like ghosts, are not visible

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and they aren't present all the time. Casper, for those of us who

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remember Casper, the friendly ghost,
was not all there all the time.

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But the ghosts from child, our
sibling ghosts show up when we bump into

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something that feels familiar, and the
ghosts are either very positive perceptions or positive

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or negative perceptions that we had from
childhood that have not aged. So while

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my older brother I always pick on
him for talking about this when he was

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when he wasn't being mean to me, he was also being wonderful. When

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he wasn't wonderful, he's also being
mean. So in adulthood, those are

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my flesh and blood memories of him. But the ghosts are the ones that

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when he has that look he's in
his eighties, when he has a look

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on that face, I had this
little until I remember, a wait a

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minute, that's from back then,
but only because I now know that that's

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a ghost. So part of the
reasons adult siblings have so much conflict is

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they bump into their ghosts and they
don't know it that their siblings have changed.

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It isn't necessarily the same images and
the feelings and memories from childhood.

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It is those memories from childhood,
even though the siblings may have changed and

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grown over the years, probably have
so. And you know, it's interesting

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as we age, I have so
many memories that are coming to me of

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when I was really a child,
and these are I mean subliminal. I'm

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not consciously trying to pull them out. Why is that that your mind goes

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back to your childhood so often?
I don't have a scientific explanation, but

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what I do can say from science
is that memory is sharper, even in

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Alzheimer's from way back when, from
someone who has Alzheimers from way back when.

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So I'm assuming it's around the same
thing that we have so many memories,

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those of us who have. The
longer we live, the more memories

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we have, and the ones that
stand out are the ones, very often

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are the early ones that help shape
us. Now. I will tell you

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though January, that a lot of
people say I have memories from childhood.

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Really I don't remember anything past before
sixth grade or anything before high school.

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Usually that isn't It isn't always true, But often when that happens, it's

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because there were things back there that
weren't worth memory remembering. There could have

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been traumas, family discord, a
personal traumas of family discords that the mind

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protects us and doesn't help, doesn't
choose to allow us to remember. Um.

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So it could work either way.
You were lucky because you got those

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memories. Yeah, I do well
some they're not all good memories, but

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I do have a definitely to have
memories. So we were talking about four

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concepts and you said there was the
positive and negative concept of ghost. What

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else is there? Okay? So
of the ghosts, there are the frozen

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images that I just described. There's
the Chris what I call crystallized roles.

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Oh, let me let me tell
you about the crystallized roles. You have

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kids and grandkids. All your listeners
either have kids, were a kid themselves.

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Even if they whether they did or
didn't have siblings, parents inevitably a

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labeled their children. And I'm talking
labels that you get before the age of

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six, sometimes before the age of
three. There's the smart one, the

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cute one, the troublemaker, the
comic. But you know all those labels

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when h and there's nothing wrong with
the labels unless it becomes rigid or crystal

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what I call crystallized at that point. If I'm I was in my family,

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I was the baby. I was
a cute baby. Well that's fine

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except for and my older brother was
the troublemaker, Okay, which would have

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been fine because so he caused in
trouble and I was baby and I was

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cute, but we got our roles
got crystallized, as in most families,

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the roles get crystallized and into adulthood. Now I can say my brother and

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I have done a lot of work
and he no longer sees me as a

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baby, and I love He's no
longer a troublemaker. He's you know.

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So we've come a long way over
the decades, but we've worked on it.

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And for most people, but when
they come to me, or even

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if they don't come, if they're
stuck in a relationship, chances are for

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your listeners right now, any of
you who are having a hard time with

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your sibling, think about what is
the role that you've been identified, and

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what is the role that your siblings
was identified? And are you still seeing

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your sibling as bossy if you were
younger, are you still seeing you're a

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bossy or are you still seeing series
There was a man that I worked with

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years ago who told me who used
to talk about his sister is irresponsible Jane,

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And I said, I'm curious,
why is she called irresponsible? Jane?

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You just told me she has a
CEO of her own company. Yeah,

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I never thought about it. But
as a child, we just always

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called it irresponsible Jane. Now that's
a little dramatic that that's actually in her

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the name that he's called her.
But the point is not overly dramatic.

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Hold onto those crystallized roles of our
siblings that don't fit anymore, but we

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still believe them, and that causes
problems. How often do you see siblings?

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How often did they come in together? Because you earlier you started talking

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about someone who came with their brother. What shocked you? And I can't

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quite frankly, I know a lot
of people who have gone to therapy,

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and I, well, we did
family therapy with all of our kids,

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so I guess that would have been
a sibling experience. Nope, it would

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not. It was a family experience. There's a difference. Oh okay,

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so tell me about how often you
see siblings. Well, the way it

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started was like what the man I
was telling you about. I began to

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notice in my individual clients and in
my couples that there would these sibling issues

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that were causing problems for them individually
or within the couple. So I would

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then say, you want to bring
your siblings in and let's work on us

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That's how it started during the pandemic, is when for some reason, siblings

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started contacting me directly. I've always
had siblings contact me directly to do the

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retreat whoops stepping on the cord to
do the retreats. But I started because

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I wasn't doing retreats. Now I'm
seeing siblings who contact me directly. My

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brother and my sister, the ten
of us are having trouble. Can you

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help us? Okay? And so
I would say a huge percentage eighty percent

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of my practice right now, these
siblings. Oh, that's very interesting.

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That's very interesting. You know,
right now we're going to take a break

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because you know, it's been sixty
years since the JFK assassination and people are

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still asking who killed Kennedy. Let
me ask you a question, are you

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still wondering who killed Kennedy? Over
fifty years later? The assassination is still

260
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:34.160
a mystery. It is unfinished business
for our country. Now get ready for

261
00:23:34.200 --> 00:23:38.359
a theory that you've never heard before, but will make more sense than any

262
00:23:38.400 --> 00:23:45.119
other conspiracy theory than you've ever heard
in the past. January Jones speaks the

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00:23:45.359 --> 00:23:52.039
unspeakable in her book Jackie, Ari
and Jack The tragic love triangle connecting Jackie

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00:23:52.039 --> 00:23:57.480
and aristotlelone ass romantically prior to JFK's
assassination. Did you know that Ari was

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Jackie's guest in the White House during
the JFK funeral. He was the only

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non family member who was invited by
Jackie to stay there during the funeral.

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Aristalonasis was one of the wealthiest men
in the world, with the means,

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the motive, and the money to
order an assassination that was the perfect crime

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of the last century. Are needed
class and Jackie needed cash. They were

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00:24:22.440 --> 00:24:26.920
perfect for each other. Now what
is Camelot? It is but another tragic

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00:24:27.039 --> 00:24:33.400
love triangle? Jackie, Ari and
jack is available at January Jones dot com,

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00:24:33.440 --> 00:24:45.680
Amazon dot com and audiobooks dot com. Read by miss Jones, Welcome

273
00:24:45.720 --> 00:24:48.119
back, and all of my Kennedy
books, all three of them are at

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00:24:48.119 --> 00:24:56.720
audible dot com. Now we're back
with doctor Karen Lewis talking about sibling rivalry.

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You know, I would think from
what I've observed in my eighty years

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that when the parents die, when
both parents have passed and then the siblings

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finally have to sit down and settle
affairs, I think a lot of stuff

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comes out then doesn't it. A
lot of stuff comes out, then a

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lot of stuff comes out before when
the parents are sick. So I often

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get called saying, my parents have
just died, and our family is my

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siblings and I are at odds with
each other. It's just horrible. Whether

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it's the state or whether it's whatever
they're arguing about, it doesn't really matter.

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One of my chapters is specifically on
aging parents, and it doesn't really

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matter what they're arguing about because it
goes back to the because so much if

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it goes back to the ghosts that
I'm talking about. And yet at the

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same time, I also get people
saying that our parents are aging and we

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want to We don't get along well
now, and we want to make sure

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that when we are was just us
that we can get along better. So

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we need to work it out.
I also get calls from parents aging parents

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to say, we are worried,
we don't want to our we don't want

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to die, knowing that our kids
may not like each other. Yeah,

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so it's from all sides. And
what I do have found. I have

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a in my book, I talk
about a what I call our glass pattern

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of sibling relationships that you're close in
childhood, you're less close as you go

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down to the middle when you start
starting your family, your career, as

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you're having life of your own,
and then you start like an hour glass.

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And then you come back out as
spending more time together at the parents'

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house when the kids are growing up
and they want to meet their cousins and

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whatnot. But at the end,
the bottom line of the hourglass is when

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they're the closest. So they're close
in their adult years and close in the

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senior years, and they're close in
their their early childhood years and close in

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their senior years. So when I
came up with that pattern years ago,

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and what I've noticed, which actually
reinforces the pattern, which is funny,

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is that the people who come to
me are mostly in their forties to sixties

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getting towards coming out of the waist, coming heading towards the lower edge of

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the hourglass when they are going to
be close at old age and they want

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to sort out this stuff, the
connect How do you handle this one where

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everyone thinks they're other sibling is Mum's
favor, Well not everybody. Not everybody

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thinks Mom's favorite. No, sometimes
they all agree that that was mom's favorite.

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Well really, yes, one of
the causes. I also have on

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my web page a list of ten
cause just ten. In my book,

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I have a lot more than ten, but ten. This is the free

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on the web page. Ten causes
of sibling conflict, and seven of them

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have to do with parents. The
favoritism is certainly one, and you are

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the favorite child. The others don't
like you. Yeah, that makes sense.

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But the favorite child loses. Not
only do the other kids not like

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you but you. Okay, you've
got the parents that you're the favorite,

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You've lost your siblings who don't like
it, and you don't have the parent

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who isn't the other parent. Oh, often one sibling. It's always easier

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to talk about two kids two siblings
in a family than to talk about ten,

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which I see lots of large families, but I'll use the example with

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two. One is mom's favorite,
one likely might be father's favorite. So

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each loses a parent as well as
their own friendship Mum. And I've actually

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had siblings tell adult siblings tell me
that father said Mom took you, so

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I, So I took you,
Mom took her some your sibling sister,

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so I took you. Oh wow, left over? Yeah, they actually

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heard that. Um so what parents
do not just in favoritism, but that's

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just one. But there's also if
parents don't get along and they are fighting,

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sometimes siblings fight recreate the parents fight. Yeah, they are role models.

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With my four kids, I always
kind of approached it with whoever I

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was with happened to be will always
be my favorite. And it's worked out

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beautifully because it's a amazing how they
all find time to be with me.

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Right, So, let me tell
you that everything that I talk about though

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January really gets set in the first
maybe six years of life. Oh really,

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00:30:11.559 --> 00:30:17.039
wow? Is there anything that happens
later goes we go back, we

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00:30:17.079 --> 00:30:22.000
will find the origins of in those
six years, first six years of life.

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And that just surprised me so much
when I first discovered it. But

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it's over and over. It seems
to be reinforced. You know, this

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makes sense because I mentioned finding a
sibling that I didn't know existed. I

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00:30:37.359 --> 00:30:41.119
call him. We call each other
the highlight of our twilight. And we

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get along incredibly because obviously we never
shared. That's wonderful. We have no

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history we have to go back and
fix or worry about so you have a

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future, no history, but a
future that's wonderful. Where does he?

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Does he live anywhere near you?
Yes? Yeah, Actually I'm in Sarasota

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and he's an Okalla, and so
we're within two hours of each other,

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and we have the we have the
same father but different mothers, and we

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never knew about each other till oh, three or four years ago, and

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we're We're one of those happy stories. I'm sure some of the ancestry dot

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00:31:25.599 --> 00:31:30.000
com stories are not so happy.
Well, the way you dealt with the

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00:31:30.039 --> 00:31:33.920
shock makes a big difference if you
had to be a shock too. I

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mean, it's not like someone called
you on the phone, which would be

352
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a shock anyway, or you grew
up sort of wondering, but out of

353
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the blue from one of these tests. Oh my goodness. Yeah, and

354
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that's happening a lot. I'm seeing
a lot of things about it in the

355
00:31:48.319 --> 00:31:56.440
news. Um, let's talk about
sibling transference. That's an interesting topic,

356
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Okay, So I'd like to think
about that. We marry our siblings,

357
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and so to explain that, let
me tell you again back in early those

358
00:32:08.799 --> 00:32:16.680
early childhood years. I think of
those early years as a laboratory for all

359
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future adult love relationships because it's the
first time you know. Most people say,

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oh, she married her father,
or he married whose mother, or

361
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whatnot. Mothers and fathers are on
one hierarchy and kids are on another.

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Siblings early in childhood are siblings,
so they're on the same hierarchy, and

363
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love relationships are the same hierarchy.
So early childhood is the first time you

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live with a love relationship where you
have to learn or don't learn, to

365
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fight, to make up, to
negotiate or don't negotiate, to use your

366
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power. If you are older,
you're going to use your power to one

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way. If you were younger,
you may have to find other ways of

368
00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:12.559
using your power, and like blackmail, tattling, tattling or humor. So

369
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all the skills that siblings you learn
in early childhood how to get along with

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a love a person that they live
with and love are what gets absorbed into

371
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the into them, into their frozen
images and the crystallized roles and everything else.

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And so now when they're an adult
relationship, something happens and they go

373
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back to a familiar feeling in the
middle of a fight they with a spouse,

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Then they find themselves without thinking about
it all this is unconscious. They

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are fighting in a way that feels
how they fought back. Then they are

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seeing their sibling, that's the sibling
transference. They're seeing their spouse as their

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civil and now they are fighting back
in the way that they fall back.

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Then, now that's one spouse.
You got the other one doing the same

379
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thing. So you have a bunch
of ghosts running around having fights with each

380
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:25.239
other. Wow, you know,
I don't think. I definitely know I

381
00:34:25.280 --> 00:34:30.320
didn't marry my sibling. I've met
married twice and I know I didn't do

382
00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:35.280
that two times. But I can
see where some people do that. Well,

383
00:34:35.360 --> 00:34:37.719
you let me just explain January.
Because it's not a full time.

384
00:34:38.119 --> 00:34:44.679
You don't marry this full time.
But when what when the part that doesn't

385
00:34:44.719 --> 00:34:51.079
work is persistent that you have the
same kinds of fights over these same kinds,

386
00:34:51.119 --> 00:34:54.920
you get into the same feelings of
inferiority or whatever it is that periodically

387
00:34:54.960 --> 00:35:00.079
come in and a love relationship of
marriage or love relationship. Very often that

388
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I will ask the question, does
that feel familiar to when you were a

389
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child. Oh so it's not like, oh, I'm aware that I married

390
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someone just like my in fact,
and very often you marry someone entirely different

391
00:35:15.239 --> 00:35:21.800
than sibling, but you bump into
these ghosts that have nothing to do with

392
00:35:21.840 --> 00:35:25.880
who the person is, but who
you and what you the memories that you

393
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carry and images from childhood that you
see into that person on those moments that

394
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there's conflict or idealization, that's the
other ghost. It can be an idealized

395
00:35:38.239 --> 00:35:47.480
sibling. Right now, we're going
to talk about people who are unforgettable and

396
00:35:47.719 --> 00:35:52.400
people who have been on my show, just like doctor Karen, have you

397
00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:59.119
ever met someone who was unforgettable,
someone who has touched your heart and soul,

398
00:35:59.480 --> 00:36:05.039
People who have faced difficult problems,
People who have struggled to find solutions,

399
00:36:05.599 --> 00:36:10.320
People who fearlessly shared their stories,
People who have not only informed you,

400
00:36:10.519 --> 00:36:16.159
but inspired you. People who have
priceless personalities. I have been fortunate

401
00:36:16.239 --> 00:36:22.760
to host an internet radio talk show
called January John Sharing Success Stories, and

402
00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:27.679
it has been my privilege to interview
hundreds of guests. My guests have shared

403
00:36:27.719 --> 00:36:31.559
their stories, their struggles, their
secrets, and their successes in their own

404
00:36:31.599 --> 00:36:37.280
words. In this book, we're
talking about people dealing with problems such as

405
00:36:37.400 --> 00:36:44.360
incest, molestation, runaway kids,
child abuse, drug abuse, polygamy,

406
00:36:44.800 --> 00:36:50.239
unemployment, scandal, and starting over. Then there are my guests dealing with

407
00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:55.400
difficult physical struggles such as blindness,
cancer, and birth defects that are beyond

408
00:36:55.519 --> 00:37:00.880
traumatic. My guests have all been
exciting, act and energizing. They have

409
00:37:01.039 --> 00:37:06.679
amazed, amused, and even astonished
me. I have a door getting to

410
00:37:06.719 --> 00:37:10.960
meet them, and I adore sharing
them with you. Attention all listeners.

411
00:37:12.119 --> 00:37:17.599
Priceless Personalities success Stories shared by January
Jones, Volume two is now available at

412
00:37:17.679 --> 00:37:22.440
Amazon dot Com in paperback and kindle
editions. You'll be able to meet ten

413
00:37:22.719 --> 00:37:28.519
amazing people who will be sharing their
own personal stories with all their struggles,

414
00:37:28.599 --> 00:37:34.840
successes and solutions sprinkled with lots of
humor and hope. Priceless Personalities features a

415
00:37:34.840 --> 00:37:37.840
teenager who becomes one of the famous
supremes from Motown. A nurse who,

416
00:37:37.880 --> 00:37:43.840
as a humorist, helps people to
heal, an inspiring laughter yoga instructor,

417
00:37:43.960 --> 00:37:47.480
a mother dealing with the loss of
a child, an incredible motivational speaker,

418
00:37:47.599 --> 00:37:53.199
a woman who married five times,
a gifted paranormal nurse, a wise economist,

419
00:37:53.400 --> 00:37:59.400
a funny female humorist, along with
an older man sharing his sweet childhood

420
00:37:59.440 --> 00:38:04.840
in the South. January's guests are
all amazing and amusing. You will never

421
00:38:04.880 --> 00:38:09.000
forget meeting them. Go to Amazon
dot com for your own priceless experience.

422
00:38:10.079 --> 00:38:15.360
Welcome back with someone else who is
priceless, Doctor Kerry, and I want

423
00:38:15.360 --> 00:38:19.920
to say that you are. You
are prices and amazing and very successful.

424
00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:24.719
Yes, well, I think we
could start each other's mutual appreciation club.

425
00:38:27.119 --> 00:38:34.440
Let's talk briefly about unhealthy loyalty with
civil visits. This is of all the

426
00:38:34.920 --> 00:38:40.880
ghosts, so there's frosten images,
crystallized roles, the unhealthy loyalty we're again

427
00:38:40.920 --> 00:38:45.360
to do, and then the transference, sibling transference that we just talked about.

428
00:38:45.880 --> 00:38:52.159
The unhealthy loyalty is the most subtle
and most unrecognized, and it took

429
00:38:52.199 --> 00:39:00.960
me a long time to see it. It's it's someone's role is and very

430
00:39:00.039 --> 00:39:05.840
often with sisters and brothers too.
But I'll talk about sisters. But we're

431
00:39:05.880 --> 00:39:09.280
both girls, so I'll talk about
sisters for a moment. If one is

432
00:39:09.320 --> 00:39:14.239
the cute one, one is going
to be the smart one. Okay,

433
00:39:15.599 --> 00:39:21.480
Now, sometimes one is the athlete, but often it is. It's more

434
00:39:21.599 --> 00:39:24.199
dramatic to see. That's why I
mean I like using examples that you can

435
00:39:24.239 --> 00:39:29.159
see clearer. Um, So if
one is the smart one as one as

436
00:39:29.159 --> 00:39:34.039
a cute one, Let's say the
smart one is the oldest one and the

437
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:42.079
younger one is a cute one.
And remember roles get assigned in early early

438
00:39:42.159 --> 00:39:49.000
childhood, early childhood. Certainly by
third grade they're set for sure. Okay,

439
00:39:49.199 --> 00:39:55.920
move into adulthood. The we're talking
about unhealthy loyalty. Loyalty is wonderful

440
00:39:55.960 --> 00:39:59.639
in families. There are all kinds
of things to be loyal to each other

441
00:39:59.679 --> 00:40:05.039
about. But the unhealthy loyalty is
when you take a loyalty to your role

442
00:40:05.960 --> 00:40:13.840
at your own expense. Okay,
So the pretty one happens to be getting

443
00:40:13.920 --> 00:40:20.519
a promotion, being offered a promotion
and a great job at a time when

444
00:40:20.559 --> 00:40:25.840
the smart one is having trouble in
her personal in her professional life. Okay,

445
00:40:28.920 --> 00:40:35.360
it is not uncommon, although it's
unconscious, it's not uncommon for the

446
00:40:35.760 --> 00:40:43.840
younger one to flub the promotion or
turn it down or cause a problem so

447
00:40:44.000 --> 00:40:50.199
that she's not offered a promotion.
Because that's my sister's role. She's the

448
00:40:50.320 --> 00:40:55.280
smart one. And so let me
tell you those of our generation, we

449
00:40:55.400 --> 00:41:00.559
know as soon as I say,
Jimmy Carter President, Jimmy hard Ahead a

450
00:41:00.599 --> 00:41:05.039
brother. Yeah, almost everyone knows
his brother was Billy, who was an

451
00:41:05.079 --> 00:41:08.639
alcoholic. Yeah, you have a
president an alcoholic. Wow. Yeah,

452
00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:14.039
we'll never know, because at least
I won't because I've never done research into

453
00:41:14.039 --> 00:41:22.960
their childhood, whether Billy actually was
supposed to be more successful or whether he

454
00:41:22.039 --> 00:41:25.719
never could, whether Jimmy was always
the more successful one in he and he

455
00:41:25.800 --> 00:41:31.639
held. That's the other unhealthy loyalty. I will hold myself back so that

456
00:41:31.679 --> 00:41:37.440
my older sibling or whichever sibling is
supposed to be the smart one, I

457
00:41:37.480 --> 00:41:42.960
will hold myself back so that one
stays smart. Wow. I don't even

458
00:41:42.960 --> 00:41:45.960
have to make myself, you know, not strive. I will just hold

459
00:41:45.960 --> 00:41:52.719
myself back all together. And so
people hold themselves back to avoid competing and

460
00:41:53.239 --> 00:41:59.559
to avoid without knowing it surpassing.
Yeah. That, yeah, it's more

461
00:41:59.559 --> 00:42:02.000
surpass I've seen them competing. But
as I say, I want to be

462
00:42:02.079 --> 00:42:07.360
very clear, this is un I've
never heard. I've never met anyone who

463
00:42:08.079 --> 00:42:13.800
was able to talk about I did
this. It only came out as we

464
00:42:13.800 --> 00:42:17.159
were talking about it. Yeah,
and so is their life place out?

465
00:42:19.039 --> 00:42:22.639
And then you pose the question,
do you take your sibling to work with

466
00:42:22.679 --> 00:42:27.880
you do a lot of people do
that. Well, that's a part of

467
00:42:27.880 --> 00:42:32.800
this unhealthy loyalty. Oh okay,
let me go back to another symbol.

468
00:42:34.000 --> 00:42:38.480
We have an older brother and a
younger sister. May could be any sex,

469
00:42:38.519 --> 00:42:42.119
it doesn't really matter, but I'll
say an older brother and younger sister.

470
00:42:42.599 --> 00:42:47.119
The older brother usually the older one
scene is being bossing. It's always

471
00:42:47.119 --> 00:42:52.079
true, but when it is true, it is true. So you go

472
00:42:52.159 --> 00:43:00.159
to work and your boss or a
co worker is bossing year around. Well,

473
00:43:00.519 --> 00:43:02.679
my older brother wasn't bossy. We
had other issues. He wasn't bossy.

474
00:43:04.199 --> 00:43:07.119
I wouldn't have a problem with a
boss or a co worker who's telling

475
00:43:07.119 --> 00:43:10.719
me what to do, because I
would think they're just telling me their opinion,

476
00:43:10.840 --> 00:43:13.840
or they're telling me what I need
to do. If it's a bossy

477
00:43:13.920 --> 00:43:15.440
telling me what I need to do, and if it's a coworker, he

478
00:43:15.559 --> 00:43:22.039
or she is just saying, you
know, her opinion. However I was

479
00:43:22.400 --> 00:43:29.159
if I had a bossy older sister, I have held onto that frozen image

480
00:43:29.239 --> 00:43:35.119
of my sister or brother. And
now I'm at work and a boss tells

481
00:43:35.159 --> 00:43:42.039
me what to do, and I
am really angry or I'm very compliant.

482
00:43:43.159 --> 00:43:46.599
It could be either a co worker
bosses me around, and I could be

483
00:43:47.000 --> 00:43:52.519
I will hear it is bossy,
but other people who don't have a bossy

484
00:43:52.599 --> 00:43:57.519
sibling won't hear that, won't hear
it is bossy. Okay. So it's

485
00:43:57.559 --> 00:44:01.639
your experience that you bring and you
put all and you transfer onto your coworkers

486
00:44:01.639 --> 00:44:10.320
and your boss. So basically what
you're saying is your childhood creates echoes that

487
00:44:10.400 --> 00:44:17.079
come through your adult time and a
lot of this influences how you act,

488
00:44:17.119 --> 00:44:22.920
with how you perceive life exactly.
I love the word echo. I use

489
00:44:22.000 --> 00:44:24.880
the ghost, but I could have
just as used as well used echo.

490
00:44:27.079 --> 00:44:30.840
And you don't know it. But
if you have a pattern, if you

491
00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:37.079
see a pattern of always being self
sabotaging at work or always being underachieving,

492
00:44:38.119 --> 00:44:43.599
you know. I write about one
man whom he did very well as an

493
00:44:43.679 --> 00:44:52.480
architect, but never great. And
one of the things we discovered was his

494
00:44:52.639 --> 00:44:59.079
sister only because I asked if I
hadn't ask in fact, when I usually

495
00:44:59.079 --> 00:45:00.000
asked, they said, what is
that I'd have to do with anything?

496
00:45:00.480 --> 00:45:07.440
Yeah, let's just find out anyway. Okay, Okay, Sorry. Our

497
00:45:07.480 --> 00:45:12.559
interview our podcast is coming to an
end. This is a question I always

498
00:45:13.000 --> 00:45:17.840
ask, oh my guests, if
you could have dinner with anyone a living

499
00:45:19.239 --> 00:45:24.199
or past besides me, who would
you invite to dinner? You just took

500
00:45:24.239 --> 00:45:30.039
away the one I was going to
say, say you, isn't that night?

501
00:45:30.960 --> 00:45:35.360
Well, I'm you know, I'm
not going to answer that because I

502
00:45:35.360 --> 00:45:38.079
don't want to make this political,
and I'm afraid if I answer it,

503
00:45:38.079 --> 00:45:44.159
it would come out being seen as
political. Okay, Well, because they

504
00:45:44.199 --> 00:45:47.519
are the people that I'm thinking about
that I could pick any one of them.

505
00:45:47.800 --> 00:45:51.880
They happen to be in the political
world, and that isn't my reason

506
00:45:52.519 --> 00:45:55.000
for liking them. But as soon
as I were to say the name,

507
00:45:55.639 --> 00:46:02.679
I would be seen as being a
political person. And so why don't you

508
00:46:02.760 --> 00:46:07.760
and I both try to get together? And how about if we invite Abraham

509
00:46:07.840 --> 00:46:16.360
Lincoln? That would be a great
idea. Although there's a plaque coming to

510
00:46:16.440 --> 00:46:22.920
Washington about how his head was stolen. Oh, dear, just see that,

511
00:46:22.039 --> 00:46:25.360
So we have to have lunch before
his head was stolen. Absolutely,

512
00:46:27.880 --> 00:46:30.960
Okay. Well, for my dear
listeners, I hope you've enjoyed our time

513
00:46:31.079 --> 00:46:37.400
together as much as I've had we
have tried to be informative in aspiring.

514
00:46:37.440 --> 00:46:44.039
Next Tuesday Live at two pm,
looking forward to having Felicia Serci, who

515
00:46:44.159 --> 00:46:49.639
is the premier results expert. She'll
be visiting with us. Now. My

516
00:46:49.760 --> 00:46:54.159
eighty year old thought for the day. At my age, getting lucky means

517
00:46:54.360 --> 00:47:00.199
walking into a room and remembering what
I went into the room for. Oh

518
00:47:00.400 --> 00:47:07.760
yeah, so there you well.
Signing off from the Glitter Granny. Thank

519
00:47:07.800 --> 00:47:13.679
you very much to doctor Karen Leuiscale. Thank you so much for coming into

520
00:47:13.719 --> 00:47:19.000
the wine Zone No wine Zone with
us. Please share our stories with everyone

521
00:47:19.119 --> 00:47:23.000
you know, and remember you have
to stop whining and then you have to

522
00:47:23.079 --> 00:47:29.400
start smiling, and then if that
doesn't work, you can just start eating

523
00:47:29.480 --> 00:47:35.360
chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate. Again. Thank you, dear friend

524
00:47:35.480 --> 00:47:39.880
Karen, so nice having you with
us. My listeners, take care and

525
00:47:40.000 --> 00:47:47.880
stay safe until we meet again.
We want to thank you for listening to

526
00:47:49.280 --> 00:47:54.519
January Jones sharing success stories. Always
remember miss Jones personal mantra, if you

527
00:47:54.559 --> 00:47:59.159
can think it, you can do
it. That's what all of our guests

528
00:47:59.199 --> 00:48:02.199
have done with theirs, and so
can you. You are the ultimate success

529
00:48:02.239 --> 00:48:06.400
coach in your own life. All
you need to do will be to start

530
00:48:06.519 --> 00:48:09.800
sharing your own story with your family
and friends. We hope that our guest

531
00:48:09.840 --> 00:48:15.559
stories will encourage you to explore an
equation in your future that will combine your

532
00:48:15.599 --> 00:48:21.440
creativity plus connecting with others will enable
you to be successful too. Always remembered,

533
00:48:21.719 --> 00:48:28.360
your passion plus your purpose will equal
prosperity as you explore the wonderful world

534
00:48:28.679 --> 00:48:30.159
of January Janes