20 YEARS AGO...
I wrote a book called Thou Shalt Not Whine: The Eleventh Commandment.
Chapter One was about children.
Chapter Two was about teenagers—because apparently ordinary childhood whining wasn’t challenging enough.
From my own experience as a teenager and then raising three, I can honestly say that teenagers and whining go together like curfews and cars. The reality is that before you have babies, nobody ever tells you the truth about teenagers. If anyone did, then it would probably be the end of civilization as we know it.
Teenagers are children who have learned two important things:
How to roll their eyes…
And how to hire themselves as their own attorneys.
Every conversation becomes a trial.
“Where are you going?”
“Out.”
“With whom?”
“People.”
“When will you be home?”
“Later.”
Your Honor, I’d like permission to treat the witness as hostile.
The number-one teenage whine used to involve television and computers.
When I wrote the book, those were two separate problems.
Now they’ve combined them into one small device they hold six inches from their face.
The CELL PHONE.
Teenagers don’t look up anymore.
The house could be on fire, and they’d text:
“Mom, something smells weird.”
