Comic Author January Jones with Thou Shalt Not Whine & The Fear of Flying

INTRODUCTORY LESSON FEAR OF FLYING
I have a confession.
I am afraid of flying.
Which ordinarily would not be particularly interesting…
Except that I became an Eastern Airlines stewardess.
Obviously, career counseling was not an option in 1963.
I came from a family that did not believe human beings belonged in the air.

But in 1963, I decided I wanted adventure.
So I flew from Detroit to Miami to interview with Eastern Airlines.
I was the first person in my family to get on an airplane.
On takeoff, I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't talk.
I looked out that little window and thought:
“Oh, my God! We're flying!”
Followed immediately by:
“Oh, my God! WE'RE FLYING!”
Fortunately, I soon discovered the secret to successful air travel.
Wine.

By the time we landed in Miami, gravity made much more sense to me.
And Eastern Airlines hired me.
Think about this.
I was terrified of airplanes…
and I got a job where my workplace WAS AN AIRPLANE.
That's like being afraid of sharks and applying at SeaWorld.
But I wanted out of Detroit.
And apparently, I wanted out badly enough to die at 30,000 feet.
The problem was that stewardesses weren't allowed to whine.