WOMEN: DON'T WHINE. THEY COMMUNICATE WITH EMPHASIS
The thing women have yet to learn is that nobody
gives you power. You just take it.
Roseanne Barr
After 20 years, I feel it is fair to say that.
Women still do not whine.
We communicate—with emphasis.
Men use approximately 2,000 words a day.
Women use 7,000.
That doesn’t mean we talk too much.
It means men stop listening after 2,000.
We need the other 5,000 to repeat ourselves.
Women begin communicating the moment we’re born.
The doctor holds up the baby girl.
She takes one look around and screams:
“This lighting is terrible, it’s freezing in here—and who decorated this place?”
By the time she gets home, she has trained the entire family.
You want whining?
I'll give you whining?
Top Ten Women’s Whines
#1 Weight
#2 Bad Hair Days
#3 Family
#4 Clothes
#5 Aging
#6 Cell Phones
#7 Flying
#8 Exhaustion
#9 Wars
#10 Gynecologists
The number-one women’s whine is WEIGHT.
“I’m so fat.”
“I can’t lose weight.”
Women have been on diets since Eve asked Adam:
“Does this fig leaf make my bottom look big?”
I have been thin.
I have been heavy.
I prefer thin—but neither one has solved all my problems.
Losing ten pounds will not fix your marriage or improve your children
It will just make your pants fit better while everything else remains a disaster.
At 83, I’m no longer searching for the perfect body.
I’m grateful for the one that still carries me to the stage.
My goal never was to be a size two.
Which would never be possible.
My goal is to remain upright, glamorous, and able to carry heavy shopping bags into five closets.
